Someone asked me recently how I know my faith is strong enough to help me withstand different types of ministry. For me, this is a very personal and in depth question and I thought it was a good point to reflect on.

My immediate response to a question on describing what faith brings me personally- is hope. I have hope in everything and everything that is to come, because I have decided to trust in God, that presence that is consistent and with us through the ups and downs in life. Whether we feel close to God or not, God is always there. Sometimes it feels harder to feel this presence but we must try and seek it out again and draw close. Draw close to God and God will draw close to you.

I thought of it the other day in terms of connection, if as many people who strive and search for a Wi-Fi signal looked for a strong connection with God instead - how much more hope and love there would be. Even if there is one bar of connection, it is better than no connection at all. There is still some form of communication there, which can be done through prayer.

Faith for me is built on trust. We must trust others and I once told by a Poor Clare Sister that when our trust grows amongst humans on this earth, our trust in God grows parallel. God commands us to love our neighbour and to love ourselves. Trust is a foundation for this.

I know that as soon as I began to fully trust and have faith in what I will never fully understand nor see, because I had experienced so many reasons why I shouldn't start to trust, my faith became the core inside me. It is the very essence of who I am deep down. That essence is God in our hearts “so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith” Ephesians 3:17. It is an understanding of the ability to grasp the immeasurable love of God.

When this happened and I became aware of how I had always been surrounded by the presence of God, that God through the Holy Spirit - the Comforter had been alongside me my whole entire life, through receiving different Sacraments, through prayer, through people and places and experiences. Through the love of others, through the valleys and mountains of life. I knew in my heart that I was called to go out to comfort others. “Comfort, O Comfort my People says your God” I was once told that what you feel deep in your heart, that restlessness- that is what God is longing to give you. Follow it and trust.

I sustain and build on faith through the ministries I am involved in as well as times of private prayer, the rhythms of morning and evening prayer, attending services and quiet days of retreat and receiving Sacramental ministry. Through those around me who are my spiritual directors, mentors, supervisors, work colleagues and of course first and foremost, my family and friends.

“Our hearts our restless until they find their rest in you” Pope Leo XIV spoke on this recently and said that we shouldn't look for ways to put out the fire, to eliminate or even numb ourselves. We should get in touch with our own hearts and recognise that God can work in our lives, through our lives and through us to reach other people.

We need to be beacons of light and hope. Hope does not disappoint. Christ is our hope. We need to try to open our hearts to Gods love and peace, recognise that we do nothing to earn God's love - it is a gift, and then in turn for receiving this gift of love, go out and share it with others - be generous.

My faith is a foundation for everything else to be built upon. I know that there will always be challenges and obstacles to overcome, there will always be questions, but I also know that “when we are weak then we are strong” and also that the “joy of the Lord is your strength”

As it has always been written on a poster in my childhood room to today - “the Lord himself goes before you and will be with you. He will never leave your nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged”

I trust in that hope.

As my own personal journey of discernment continues into ordained ministry - I know that discernment in general is a continuing life long process. Held between my heart and God and the others he works through. Alongside prayer and reflection.

Someone once told me not to hold onto things too tightly - let God work and show you the way, be open to surprises. In this I also trust “for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper not to harm” “plans to give you hope and a future” - There it is again, hope.

One of the documents I refer to frequently is a booklet containing Pope Francis' Catechesis series on discernment. 31st August 2022 to 4th January 2023. I think one of the most important sections within this is “the elements of discernment - self-knowledge” Pope Francis speaks about the importance of knowing ourselves deeply and sufficiently. He writes of patient soul searching, to acquire awareness of things that condition us unconsciously.

Pope Francis continues- In a necessary complement to prayer we need to grow in self-knowledge. We need to descend into the depths of our heart. Self-knowledge is in itself, a fruit of God's grace, where we are led to abandon illusions to understand who we are. We learn passwords which lead us into lasting spiritual joy and fulfilment, in obedience to God's gracious will. Through daily examination and prayer we can more readily discern the Lord's plan for our lives.

So the journey continues, resting in the realisation that we are not the ones in control. And the one who is in control, loves us immeasurably.

Psalm 139

1 You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand-
when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.